In light of Mental Health Awareness week, I would like to share a featured post, more for the brothers and for the sisters who wish to understand.
Check it out here!
In light of Mental Health Awareness week, I would like to share a featured post, more for the brothers and for the sisters who wish to understand.
Check it out here!
My brothers and sisters,
I am happy to announce that I will be amongst a team of panellists discussing all things relationships at the Overseas Fellowship of Nigerian Christians, London Branch!
The talk will feature a panel discussion that addresses topics such as:
Love vs Respect
Sexuality and Christianity
Masculinity and Femininity
And many others!
It is a free event, and you can obtain your tickets now! Donations are also welcome as stated on the Eventbrite link here!
Date: Sunday 18th February 2018
Location: 17 St Mary’s Church, Peckham, SE15 2EA!
See you there!
Hello, my brothers and sisters.
In the month of September, I had attended my first #Pentalk Event for the first time and I was utterly amazed at what I heard. It was an extremely refreshing discussion and of course, I took a lot of notes!
I shared my notes on my Instagram story and thought I’d share them here for all, especially for my brothers out there!
I want to share something with my brothers in Christ and my brothers of mankind.
Despite what you think, the women are WELL aware of some of the issues of masculinity and with the difficulty of us men sharing our emotions.
Our inability to share our emotions can cause stress on the ladies. They worry and are concerned about whether you are emotionally available or not.
Now, guys, I get it. We do process emotions differently but don’t overgeneralise it. Some men are not quite emotional, some men are.
The issues why we don’t wanna share is because of:
The “man-up” stereotype;
You are worried about how unmanly or soft she may perceive you to be if you did share;
A lack of trust.
One gentleman at the event shared that emotions are meant to be expressed, more for yourself than for your relationship. You must feel comfortable with expressing them to the woman you are with. If you cannot do this, then why are you with her?
Flipside: IF you are with someone who considers you unmanly and soft for expressing your emotions and is generally uninterested about your own issues and you find yourself playing an act or restricting yourself for the purposes of your relationship, then that’s not the lady you should be with.
Flipflipside: It is not your place to determine what your special lady can or can’t handle. This cannot be a reason why you cannot express yourself. Let her know and let her deal with it. She’s not a baby.
Both parties need to come together with a heart of understanding, not expectation.
It is very refreshing to see that women are aware and expressing their concerns regarding male emotions. All they want to see is a physical manifestation of how you are dealing with any difficult circumstances, EXCLUDING VIOLENCE. Simply stating how you feel gives her an idea of how you are.
She is not a mind reader and you are not a Stone Cold Rock (WWE fans will understand). You are a human being and entitled to express yourself without unjust judgment, fear or having your masculinity questioned. Beware of those looking for the benefits of a relationship without having to deal with the difficult aspects of it. Relationships will ALWAYS require work.
Finally and most importantly, a message from myself: Jesus died for you gents. That means you have value, but it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to manifest and increase in value (challenge yourself, set goals and work to achieve them, read, take courses, take a new degree, masters or different line of work, develop yourself, build a network, go elsewhere; do something!) because the truth is, no one else will do it for you.
And you can do it, when you believe you can.
Tunde T. Amao
Greetings, brothers and sisters.
We have explored in part one of the model relationship. Now, we’re going to look at the specifics in great detail.
Genesis 2: 24 (NIV) – That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
This is the foundational scripture that many would use for marriage. Now, pay particular attention to this next point; Marriage is not man-made. It is an institution created by God so that men and women can express their love for each other the way God wanted love to be expressed. As we saw earlier, there is a model, a standard which must be followed for maximum fulfilment in blossoming, loving relationships.
So, why do I say this? If you want a Godly relationship with Godly foundations, you have to do it God’s way; the way He established it and using Godly materials.
Ephesians 5: 31 – 32 (NIV) – For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
The above scripture speaks of the perfect unity of Jesus and the Church (we His people). The marriage relationship or a growing relationship should mirror this exact model. The question now is, what is the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church, how does it look like and what does it entail? We will look at Ephesians 5: 21 – 27 in greater detail.
(Emphasis added and broken down for greater analysis)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives submit yourselves to your own husband as you do to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
When building anything, the foundation has to be strong enough to hold the extra weight on top. Jesus Christ is the firm foundation (1 Corinthians 3: 11). If one has a sincere reverence for Him, then this aspect will not be a problem. Think about it; would you build ontop of a firm foundation or a shaky one?
Before we touch on the submission aspect, which can ring alarm bells for some, I wanted to touch lightly on this. Submission is not just a biblical woman thing, it applies to men as well. The same way we submit to one another is the same submission that we offer the Lord God Almighty.
In a relationship setting, men who are seeking to become authentic unapologetic men of the Lord God will need to apply their lessons to their submission to God and now tailor that to the chosen lady in their life. There also has to be a healthy boundary as this is more of a process to learn how to submit to their special lady as opposed to the full submission in the context of scripture which is reserved for Husbands and Wives only. Use this opportunity to learn how to submit to her lads!
BE WARNED: HEALTHY BOUNDARIES PROTECT. YOUR BOYFRIEND SHOULD NOT BE LEADING YOU ANYWHERE. YOUR GIRLFRIEND SHOULD NOT BE SUBMITTING TO YOU. THIS IS RESERVED ONLY FOR HUSBANDS AND WIVES.
Ladies, as mentioned in the above paragraph and taking what we learnt in the first post into consideration, I’d like to share a small analogy:
Jesus Christ is the husband. The Church is His wife. Imagine you are the Church now, your name is now Church. Jesus is your husband. What do you know about Jesus?
Jesus walks with integrity, loving, forgiving, compassionate and has a no-nonsense attitude when it comes to His Father’s business. Has an epic prayer life, doesn’t deny His emotions, but manages and expresses it appropriately, can protect you, encourage you, has a vision for His life and can lead you to a place He knows you can feel safe, secure and allowed to be who you are meant to be; yourself.
He knows your not perfect; He knows your flaws and loves you because of them and He encourages you gently to be the best version of yourself and will celebrate you along the way. Now, he may correct you in a loving way because He does not delight in anything that disrespects Him or any matter that involves His Heavenly Father and will fight passionately for the matters of God because that is where He gets His strength, worth and identity from. A man who is not ashamed of His Father and will continue to walk His way because He loves God that much.
Would you submit to such a man?
Now imagine a man, who isn’t Jesus, but is striving to have the same qualities, the same mindset, the same emotional disposition as Him. Who is constantly in the Word and can teach and encourage you and sees you for being YOU. He knows He isn’t perfect and will make mistakes from time to time, but knows as long as he follows Jesus, he will be led in the right way.
This is what means to be in submission to a man as on to the Lord. The man must display lord-like qualities, and it must be seen and evidenced, from the inside and out. That’s the man worth submitting to.
Lads, back to you again.
Jesus Christ gave His life to redeem the Church. He died so that the Church may dwell in the righteousness of Him. He knows that the Church is not perfect, hence why He always teaches the Church to dwell and grow in His Word, where they can find rest, comfort, security and strength.
It is not easy for women. The way the world is set up now, they have to make the extra effort to advance themselves and protect themselves from any hindrances as well as deal with their emotions with or without support. Women are blessed with creativity and the ability to multi-task; once they have a mission, they will complete it. I believe that even when women are tired, they still have to find that inner strength and resolve to push forward to get to where they want to get to.
Imagine juggling so many responsibilities and not feeling appreciated for their efforts.
Men, Jesus Christ died so that the Church can be restored, uplifted and placed on the path of righteousness. Jesus gave His all in the name of love.
My brothers, beware! Look at what scripture says:
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
There are alarm bells when a lady claims to love God, claims Christ and does not submit to Him. If she doesn’t submit herself to Him, how much more you?
Benchmark principle: How the male/female submitted to God is a clear indication as to how they can submit to you.
There are so many elements here, but the general message here is that you don’t take away from people you love. As men, respect the advancement of women and continue to add to that so that they may grow in self-confidence, joy and peace When they are tired and weary, be ready and available to step in and to pour love, attention, affection and strength into them so they can rise up and continue on their path towards greatness.
Women are going through battles we have no idea of. Pay attention and love them for who they are. They can only be themselves and you have to recognise and acknowledge that.
I want to stress again that this is in the context of cultivating a successful relationship. This will enable you to discover more about God’s standard in relationships as well as discover more about yourself and the person you’re growing with. Full submission only happens in a marriage relationship.
As women, remember that men also go through battles. They may not speak on them, they may not say due to the resurrection of hurt and pain, or maybe they are afraid of how you will view them afterwards. Some men do what to become the standard where they feel they ought to be, and place pressure on themselves to perform. Truth be told, this pressure they put on themselves, plus the pressure you may have placed on him, the mind can only take so much. Plus, most men do not want to hear about another man’s capabilities, especially that they know within themselves that they are trying and trying very hard.
One cannot, and will not, value full submission if one has not resolved in being willfully submitted to God, through Jesus Christ, first.
I’ve hinted the ladies above (I hope you got it ladies!) and as well as the men, (keep your eyes peeled bro! it’s not all about beauty and favour! (Proverbs 31:30)
Tunde T. Amao
Greetings my friends.
I’d like to send a special welcome to the young men and women who are reading this post.
There will come a time where every young person in this day and age will consider being in a relationship. I touched on this aspect in an earlier post and it’s one of the beautiful things about being a human being.
The question that most young people would ask themselves are, “Am I ready for a relationship?” or “How do I know that I’m ready for one?” Make no mistake my friend, relationships are hard work. They require a whole lot of effort, time, affection and emotional maturity. One need to be fulfilled as an individual before committing to another.
That being said, how do you know when you’re truly ready?
1. When you don’t need to be in one.
This is key. Deciding when to or feeling the need to be in a relationship is a clear indication that you’re not ready to be in one. Being single is one of the best times to be able to establish something for yourselves; something that you can call yours. When one is actively seeking for a relationship to satisfy a need, they are missing out on the time to build and to develop one’s mindset, emotional maturity and the tools needed to build long-lasting friendships. Once you are fulfilled and have achieved most of the goals you have made for yourselves and you are able to live life knowing that you can rely on yourself for your own upkeep and don’t need to be in a relationship, then at that point, you are ready.
2. When you have a firm knowledge of God’s standards for relationships.
Can you hold a relationship without standards to live by or follow? To have an effective and successful relationship, you need to have a solid understanding of the standards needed to create this. For this, you will need to go the One who established them in the first place; Jesus Christ. I will be writing a separate post on this point later. Read the Bible concerning the standards needed for relationships and make an effort to follow them and not to compromise on them. A relationship without the right foundational standards will always fall apart.
3. When you understand the benefits and the risks involved.
Relationships require a lot of investment, of emotions, time and money. It’s not necessarily about what you are investing, it’s about who you are investing it on.
Are you willing to spend time and not to be in a rush? Have you made enough effort to know the person in a responsible manner? Do they respect you? Have you thought about your emotional well-being in case things don’t go so well? Have you thought about what you may gain from a potential partner and what you may lose?
Relationships are not a joke. Real feelings are involved and many people become heavily invested in it. Make sure that you thought about where you are, where you’re heading and whether or not it is a right choice for you. Make an informed decision rather than one out of emotional impulse.
I found the book entitled Waiting and Dating: A Sensible Guide to a Fulfilling Love Relationship written by Dr Myles Munroe very helpful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading and learning from the guide and I’m sure that you will use it to help you discover whether you are truly ready for a relationship, and how to make it successful.
What do you think my friend? Let me know in the comment section below.
Thank you for reading. Stay blessed and remember, keep the faith.
Tunde T. Amao
Hello, my friends.
I’d like to share with you how I like to describe the Gospel. You can read the book of Romans which explains the Gospel perfectly, yet I often found myself using this an illustration of to bring God’s divinity, the nature of humanity and the concepts of salvation and consequences into context.
So, imagine the Kingdom of Heaven as a Courtroom and Almighty God, as the All Holy Judge. The role of a Judge is to come to a decision based on the clear, fundamental standards of the law. At the witness stand will be us, the human race, as we have been called for judgement against the All Holy Law.
If you look into the various laws that God has established in the Bible, it is impossible to adhere to all of them perfectly. This is due to many things; the fall of mankind at the Garden of Eden being the main one, the nature of humanity is self-centred and wishes to gratify themselves first, mostly at the expense of others. On this point I’d like you not only to think about the nature of the world but to also reflect when I raise this question: Have you and has anyone lived a perfectly good life? A life of which we have done absolutely nothing wrong?
The answer is a resounding no. We all have hurt someone, did and said things we are not proud of. Now, how will this stand in court with God as the Judge? Against the difficult task of following the law and taking into account the inherently sinful nature of man, we would all be found guilty, irrespective of whether we know the law or not. We have all been sentenced to prison – Hell -to pay for these crimes.
Sin (in Hebrew: chatta’ath, from the root word chata): to miss the way, go wrong or guilt, or missing the mark.
A divine wrong against a Righteous God. Divine crime, divine punishment.
However, the fundamental truth is that not only God is the Holy Judge; He is also our Father and Creator. He’s at the Judge’s bench looking at His Own children at the witness stand. There is a problem here. He cannot ignore the Law as He is the Judge, but He also does not want to send ALL of His children to prison.
So He sends His own Son, Jesus Christ, to take on the prison sentence. God sent him down from Heaven to Earth, a Man who did not commit any crimes, to die on the Cross as a criminal so that His children can escape the sentence by accepting His Son’s sacrifice and remembering and relying on His Son.
Then, something special happened; Three days later.
I explained that a divine wrong against God requires divine punishment. Jesus took on all of our sins and paid the ultimate price, for the crimes we committed. God’s judgement and wrath were taken out on our sins that were upon Jesus Christ. Once the sins were taken care of, God’s wrath could not go against Jesus Christ Himself, because He Himself HAD no sin in Him in the first place.
God’s wrath eliminated our sins that Jesus carried, and freed us from eternal damnation, whilst the Holiness of Jesus preserved Him directly against Holy judgement because He did not commit a Holy wrong against God!
John 3: 16 – 17
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
God, the Judge has to Judge accordingly and yet has placed saving mankind, that’s you and me, as the number one priority.
Who do you know that will take a prison sentence for the crimes you have committed? Who will go that far to ensure that we are vindicated? Jesus did, for you and me.
At this point, for those who wish to receive the free gift of salvation from God through Jesus Christ, please say this prayer. I’d also like to highlight that prayer isn’t reciting words or phrases, but communion from the reflection of your heart.
Romans 10: 9: If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord”, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Acts 16: 30-31: He brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved? They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved – you and your household.”
Lord Jesus, I acknowledge that I have been living in sin. I also acknowledge that you died on the cross to remove my sins and to give me the free gift of salvation. As you established in Romans 10: 9, I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that you are Lord, and you are my Lord and personal saviour. Thank you, Father, for saving me. This I pray in your Holy name, Amen.
Note: If you meant what you said sincerely, believed and confessed that Jesus is your Saviour and your Lord, then you are saved. This my brother and/or sister is the beginning of your journey. Grab a Bible, find a God-fearing church and make yourself available to learn more about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and what He says about you, building on your identity in Christ.
Congratulations! As Luke 15: 7 highlights, heaven rejoices for you have made your way back to the Father! The gift of salvation is yours, and no one can take it away from you! Remember that you have been set apart for good works, that you are special and you are valuable. I’ll be sure to write a part two on this, as another important point you need to know is that salvation, is only the beginning of your journey…
Thank you for reading my friends, and may the Lord richly bless you!
Tunde T. Amao
Good evening, my brothers and sisters.
I want to encourage you all by saying that Jesus can meet all your needs. Jesus can heal all pain; physical, emotional, you name it. I myself can testify to this as He has touched me this very evening on a particular issue that has made me go through all the emotions under the emotional spectrum, mainly confusion, anger and sorrow.
Jehovah- Rapha = The Lord who heals
We all want to be strong. We all want to be immovable and unshakeable pillars but make no mistake. We will be faced with situations where we are hurt by those who are really close to us, bosom friends, a loved one, boyfriend/girlfriend, a potential partner even your spouse. The pain is so great that you seek for a relief, people who are ready to bear your grief and to offer strength and encouragement which leaves you feeling understood, for a while.
But the pain never goes away. Turning back the hands of time becomes the wish, wanting to go back to where smiles and joy and close togetherness abounds. Yet reality hits home and you are stuck with the only option; moving forward.
Despite the close friends and the encouragement, the pain is never totally understood. It’s never totally appreciated, and the person who caused the pain is living, probably unaware of how much emotional damage they have caused. Maybe they are aware, and it doesn’t faze them. Maybe it does. To put it bluntly, nothing can be done. Life continues and your left dealing with hurt you wished you never had.
My brothers and sisters, remember there is One who understands. There is One who sees all. There is One who sees what happened, whether it was your mistake or someone else’s, and is ever ready to comfort you; the Lord Jesus Christ, our saviour, our closest friend and the One who never disappoints.
The Word of God. His promises, His words, sharper than a double – edged sword (Hebrews 4: 12). The message from The loving Father to His child. He sees your pain and hurt. This is the first place to turn to. As you read, you are with Him.
Please, talk to Him. Be honest about how you feel. There is nothing better than having a conversation with someone who genuinely understands. Maybe you wanted to love someone like He loves or your efforts weren’t recognised or appreciated. Maybe you didn’t recognise or appreciate until it was too late. Maybe you served wholeheartedly expecting little in return and was bitterly disappointed. You may have done the right thing, maybe you didn’t. Ask for forgiveness and He will forgive you. But talk to Him.
No matter what happened, whatever was said and done, don’t tell yourself it doesn’t matter, it does matter. It matters to God. If you made a mistake, don’t take the pain as punishment or as something you deserve. Christ died and you are free from condemnation (Romans 8:1). Don’t carry or suppress it either as it will only affect your healing as well as your thoughts, actions and how you relate to other people. If you need to cry, then do so. Remember, it is not a sign of weakness, you are telling your inner soul and expressing to God that it matters.
It matters to you, so it matters to Him.
This is very crucial. You cannot heal properly if you are at a distance from your wound. You will have to go inside that painful place and ask Jesus to meet you there, for that is where your healing will flow from. Right, where it matters. The epicentre, the pain point, whatever you call it. Fall in, own the pain and ask Jesus to heal and take it away.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
It may happen there and there and then. You may have to do this more than once. It may happen when you surround yourselves with those who offer encouragement, may happen when you’re by yourself. The Lord never disappoints. He will meet you and He will take the pain away.
I am amazed when this happened to myself, I actually felt God move in and cover that place of hurt. When it happens to you, and it definitely will hold your head high, walk in the strength that God has provided you, forgive the person who hurt you and walk forward with the confidence and the knowledge that you have been renewed and the pain cannot hinder and pull you down anymore. Remain connected to God, remain faithful and above all, Thank Him for what He has done to you because of who He is. The epitome of love, Jehovah Rapha.
Philippians 1: 6: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
May God continue to protect us as we guard our hearts, learn from previous lessons and stride forward in victory, towards new grounds, new beginnings and new opportunities to smile and most importantly to display God’s glory to all those who are seeking Him. Let our testimonies draw others near to the Light of God so that they may receive what their inner hearts are searching for; Jesus Christ. This we pray in Jesus name. Amen.
Take a deep breath, smile and walk forwards. Victory is yours.
Tunde T. Amao